Slowly building up again

It has been an inordinate amount of time since I exercised, and I have suffered for it. I don't know if I blogged this, but I have been experiencing sharp pains in my chest for several weeks. While it might be from stressed, I do not feel mentally stressed (in the sense of feeling out of control.) However, I am undoubtedly expected to perform at a high level in my job, especially now. That is not a problem. I work that hard anyway.

But working hard is not enough. Today, after managing the visit the gym twice in two days after nearly nothing in a month, I reflected on that. I have always run hard. I have eaten hard, too. I have run hard, but not necessary run over a period of time. I sprint. I run 5ks and 10ks. I ran a sub 19 minute 5k and thought that made me a half-decent runner.

Although I am carrying an inordinate amount of weight (I am 12 stone, now) my injuries are minimal. I still have an ache in my right Achilles from football some weeks ago. It is almost certainly a throwback, too, from the tightness of my right leg after my marathon. However, it isn't desperate.

I am wearing flats moreso now. I am trying to build up the explosive spring I once easily had. It doesn't need to be so explosive anymore, but more springy.

One thing that I haven't felt for a long time is hungry. I eat regularly, and I eat a huge amount. Today, I ate two steaks. In the evening, I am likely to eat bacon sandwiches. This is my diet. However, I do not intend to eat past 8pm. It is something for which I will aim. That rule was once set because it meant I found it easier to wake up in the morning (early, at least.) I find it much easier now in my age to wake up early, even in my non-contact work days (ah, just say weekend!)

When I was younger, I used to either wake up late after epic dreaming, or wake up early and feel the need to complete an inordinate amount of work. Now, I wake up early and reflect. It is a nice routine.

My lack of exercise reflects, too, my lack of something to direct my efforts. I have some projects, but feel distinctly underwhelmed. That is not a tremendous problem, although it does mean that I am not running easily. It does mean that I am free (if little angsty with it) to find my own efforts, and my own projects - or at least free to dedicate them more usefully than before.

Chest Pains

I find myself here now in the middle of the day in the middle of the term, but I am not even in the middle of any kind of exercise programme. Since Easter, I have struggled with any kind of exercise. I have not even wanted to give up an hour in the evenings to it.

That I am in as good a shape as I am is something I am fortunate for. Unfortunately, that isn't to say that my shape is admirable: I weigh 12 stones and have hit 36" on my waist again. I am eating a hell of a lot, and I can't remember the last time I felt hungry. I tend to eat fairly regularly.

The past week or so I have suffered from some quite intense chest pains. I'm no doctor, and I've had them examined cursorily by a GP before. Nothing was diagnosed.

I reckon they are due to the sedentary lifestyle I currently lead. I sit down for a fair time in the evening, and my shoulders and ribs rest against wood.

While I do not feel the intense need to run, that is perhaps a good thing. There is no purpose, no need, no pressure, no goal. Or, at least, no goal for myself save see if I can begin to dedicate some time to exercise as I once did.

And I will. 

Kirkbymoorside 10k

The past two years I have run this race, and with some meaning. It is a gorgeous course, and on this day (as before) the weather was beautifully bright and light.

This year I did not enter.

For too long I have not looked at my diet. Nor have I been maintaining anything like a regular gym schedule. For some reason, I have felt so busy that I do not want to visit the gym after work. The truth is, I am waking up so early (between 5:30 and 6:30) that I feel I do not have time in the evening to visit the gym. That is, I would not get my refreshing reflection time if I did. If I do head to the gym, I only want to embark up on short workouts. Short workouts, though, are better than nothing.

However, today I did go to the gym. I gave it medium intensity with a 60+ stepper HiiT for 19 minutes, amongst some weights and stretches. I was tired, and needed to push myself. But, of course, I did. I did not stop. I did not collapse.

This weekend I have felt a knock to my fitness. Or have I? I often think that I do not have time for things: the truth is, energy and endeavour are both more finite than time. At university, I would leave the various social sporting events in favour of venturing back home to embark on imaginative pursuits, or my studies. I think that it is important to realise that such choices are not always a reflection of time, but rather a reflection of energy.

There are a few 10ks coming up in a month or so. I think that I am remarkably injury-free (even if I am carrying huge weight.) As I think and live that sentence my right foot begins a dull reminding ache that my lack of practice may have helped, but it has not cured. There is a lack of sprinting intensity to my workouts. That intensity has been replaced by a longer, more focussed ambling.

I have yet to enter any the upcoming 10ks. But I will. Before I wrote that, I wrote 'I really should.' Such insipid phrases reflect a decisionless concept - of course I really should. In fact, I should. Is it too much to write 'I will'? I think perhaps so.