Before the 10k tomorrow...

I wonder if tomorrow I will run as hard as I did last year.

Last year I ran this 10k, and I wrote about my feelings of aiming for a sub 50-minute 10k. According to my thoughts then, I wanted to stop running after three miles.

This side of things, I can run under 43 minutes with effort. I expect, even though it is a hilly course, to achieve less than 43 minutes. However, I mostly want to enjoy running with music again.

Strangely enough, I haven't run with music for many months. Someone who ran rather seriously told me of how her running colleagues consider those who run with music to be joggers.

That I do not dedicate running to be my major hobby is something of which I am rather pleased.

In addition, I certainly found that my best time so far (41:30 at the Scarborough 10k in 2010) came through running without music.

However, I wonder if I will run tomorrow my absolute hardest. My will does not appear to be so strong this side of things, not least because my other interests and responsibilities (to my job and my exam classes, for one) have caught my attention. Yet things were not always so.

Training in Wolverhampton in 1995, I remember telling me coach that I was willing to run my absolute hardest every time. And, from that, if I could improve (but still try my hardest) then my times would improve too.

Truth is, I feel a sense of wanting to hold back because of my legs - my ankles.

I even wonder whether I'll wear my flats, or my marathon shoes.

But thinking of these things does not make me angsty. I have reached a point, perhaps, where I should not expect a PB every time I run. But does that mean that I shouldn't drop below a minimum effort of running?

We'll see.