Morning afterwards

I dreamt deeply last night thinking of the possibilities that running gives me. Although I have these 10ks coming up, I'd rather use them as training runs, as before. Something where I am happy to hit 45 minute 10ks; something where I will simply run without music.

A busy day ahead, but organised?

Morning of the beach 10k

It has been four months, at least, since I last raced. I intend today to run without music. If I can't be motivated to run a race (albeit training I tell myself...) then what chance?

With music I have the perception that I am running hard even if I am not. I also feel that it is harder to speed up when I have music, too. Of course, that could also be a lack of fitness. Or not.

It has just begun to drizzle outside. The cloud cover is total. It is cold(er than I expected.)

I expect my BPM to near maximum, and to stay there for the 50-60 minutes that I will run today.

Strangely enough, I do not feel a sense of burning desire to run a time. More a sense that I know that at more than one point recently I wanted to run to the point where I wanted to stop running, so I could continue to run. I am sure, and I hope, that I get that feeling today, and I see what happens in my mind.

Two days before the first 10k for an age

And I feel strong. Yesterday I managed to run 3 x 4 minute km pace, with a 5 minute 4:35 warm up. Last year I was unable to run even one 4 minute at 4min km pace comfortably.

I run on a balance between my heels and my forefoot.

This springiness, this extra power, is something that I haven't experience for a long time. Perhaps for decades.

And tonight I didn't play football. This wasn't a loss; I went to the gym. I wasn't motivated to utterly put my guts into it - I was able, though, to his the intensity of a usual step-trainer workout (65, 70, 75, 80.) Seeing as a month ago I was unable to run 50, 55, 60, 65, I feel this is a great progression.

The pain today is in my hips. That is a pleasing sign - normally it is in my calves and then my feet.

On Sunday I test myself with the beach race. I want to run to the point where I want to stop running. That is why I am running. Well, this is a training run, but that is why I am running it.

I tell myself.

Training Tonight

Right now I am in a lesson. Fortunately I am getting paid for writing this in front of my talented Year 7 class. Tonight I am going to be running in the gym. It is the second week of my intense training schedule. I hope to be able to to push myself faster than I have done for about six months. However, I have (again!) forgot my MP3 player.

What a clutz.

Therefore, if I am able to run hard on the naff gym music, I will be especially amazed.

Intensity

I am looking forward to training tomorrow. I have a twinge in my right foot that perhaps precluded a foolish extra effort today that I might otherwise have expended.

As before, I am glad that I have entered these races. My mind seeks one point; the point where I want to stop running. Of course, should I stop running, then my mind isn't fulfilling its ambition. Instead I want to run to the point where my mind loses is initial motivation, and instead a deep-set instinctual drive, a spiritual motivation (if I'm lucky!) might rise.

It is the week after next that I am most interested in. Two of my friends ran the Great North Run on the weekend just gone. I was on for breaking one hour 40. My intensity then belied my lack of training, and my lack of food, too! The latter, at least, should not be a problem.

At the front of my classroom I intend to have a poster from the Olympic spirit from the 1930s. More from that later, maybe.

A long run Sunday

Today has been an excellent day. Having seen my good friends the Wheelers, and the new addition to their family (and heir to their dynasty) Jack, I settle down now for the rest of this evening for some worthwhile work.

As part of this evening I need to turn my head to the week ahead. Having lodged and live in a single space for two years - a place where I would eat, sleep, work and play within the confines of a small room - I usually find myself eager to sleep and wake early, and do such work in the pressure of a school morning. Although this is was once admirable, my school has no control over their heating. Therefore, I used to be sitting in a large unheated room in an large unheated building working on a small monitor. Far better, then, to do such work in the evening.

So why say this? This morning I ran a 54 minute 10k in training. It has been a long time since I managed that. In doing so, I changed my focus on the advice of my running partner. In my running, like in many things in life, I focussed on the immediate ground ahead of me, and on the entirety of the run ahead. Instead, I focussed near the end of small, unplanned goals: to run to the next bench, for example. As I came to that goal, my mind picked another. In doing so I experienced the acknowledged success of achieving that goal yet I also appreciated its meaningless in the greater scheme of the run.

By that I think I mean that my training intensity has risen recently because I am training harder than I think that I can cope with over the entire course. Like with the great north run last year, I have set myself goals of running a fairly long distance as fast as I can. Where I have failed in the past is in the strength of my lower limbs; my muscles have failed me.

Where I think I am somewhat stronger now is in my insoles. I still do not know whether to get them remoulded. Perhaps not. I will, instead, run with them for the sequence of races ahead. I will, also, feel the balance of my running too. Feel the strength of my arms carry me, and appreciate how my stockiness belies the distance that each stride might take me.

Cardio

So I have plans to build up my cardio. And, apparently, I have plans to ensure that the window between the improvement in my cardio and the improvement in my muscles (between two weeks and two months) doesn't lead to injury.

One improvement in my training has been its intensity. Sitting in my gym which - although cheap and with great staff - has its flaws, I reread for the third time one of the six magazines available. It didn't contain articles so much a series of adverts for products that promised a change in life, and a monstrous body to match. One thing, though, that it day say was that some workouts require a certain intensity.

If there is one thing that I can be, that is intense. It is one thing that I understand. The world is confusing place at the best times; a place that a man learns to cow and extend himself in equal measure - trying harder is something that works more often than not. However, that has not always recently been my experience. Instead I have had a calmness when training.

That is not always a good thing.

The past four cardio workouts I have been calm to the point where I have almost stopped. Today, though, I pushed myself to the point where I was hitting some of the fitness numbers at my peak.

While I don't think that I am fit as I once was, I do believe that I have more background in knowing what to expect. I expect in my next 10k (at Filey, on a beach, which I tell other people I intend to use as training...) to want to stop running at many points. In fact, I think that I want to push myself to the point where I run too fast to begin with. If only so that I get more from the run.

I hope, too, that my insoles mean that I can strengthen my legs more than before. I ran 44 with such weakness after the marathon.

I am far from my goals. And my will isn't strong. But at least in a whim I was given myself some opportunities.

Something to aim for

This evening, after putting in a shift of work, I entered 5 races in 7 weeks. I don't know whether my foot can hold up to it, although I've effectively bet £65 it can.



I don't feel particularly fit and healthy right now. But without such aspirations my body wouldn't aspire either.

I am much heavier than I was last year. Almost a stone heavier. I am fatter, too - 36" rather than 31". I also don't have a successful summer of running behind me.

In some ways though, I am stronger. I have run a marathon. I have some idea of balance. I have some idea of how to build up a running timetable. For one, I am going to hit the gym at least three times next week. I need to get some food; that is for sure. But I think that these races are, at the very least, my training, too.

There is an element of wanting to hit below 41:50 in the Scarborough 10k. In order to do that I have to drop below 11 stone at the very least, and I am now 11 stone 6. A pound a week, with minor adjustments to my diet, will be a worthy goal.

There is almost a fatigued tension in considering this. Whether I will be able to run these races is something to consider. But sitting in this chair watching words spill onto a screen is akin to gazing at my navel when it is only guts that will carry me through these runs.

Guts, and something else. Some damn planning.

Week 1 12th
Tuesday 60 HiiT, Thursday 20 min slow, Friday 65 HiiT, Sunday - 45 min run
Week 2 19th
Tuesday 60 HiiT, Thursday 15 min, then 4x 1 minute 30 400m, Friday 65 Hiit, Sunday Filey 10k

Football

I played football today for the first time in many weeks, and realised quite why it has fallen so far in my estimation. I love the feeling exercise, and of exerting myself.

The things remain in my head now, though.

a) The bottom of my feet are extraordinarily painful.
b) Manchester City and the willingness of supporters PLC will destroy football.

Planning a routine, and getting a routine

Managed to go to the gym today and cardio with some intensity. I completed a 19 minute session on 60 resistance (which is 'average' when I am fit.) It was hard. I stopped almost entirely for 20 seconds during the last set, but was able to continue. I want to train with some sense. But without a certain intensity, and without a certain amount of exercise naturally behind me (3-4 weeks at least) I can't plan anything. Which makes this time of training strangely difficult.